Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
