what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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