I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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