We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
