I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Houston, we have a squirter
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
