Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
