Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
