areolas are like halos for boobs.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
