I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
