He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I pour the whiskey from now on
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
