there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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