If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
