hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
