So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
