All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
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