i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
