Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
