chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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