I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
