TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
