I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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