So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I just want nice things and good sex
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
