i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
it hurts more in the daytime
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
