oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
