Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize