3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
