No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
