lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Dicks are not precious.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
