i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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