the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
