But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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