i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
