So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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