Barsexuality is the new black.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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