I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
