Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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