My liver just broke up with me...
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
