i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
