everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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