Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
