That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
