i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
