you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
