Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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