I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
