Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
you didnt know i had herpes?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize