Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
