I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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