Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize