Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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