it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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