Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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