I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
This toilet bowl is my home.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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