Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize