So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Randomize
