Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
