I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
