I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize
