i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
