I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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