So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize