I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
