My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
