HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
