I want to have your abortion
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
