Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
love makes seman taste better
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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