apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
