So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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