Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
No subtext here. People are naked.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
