I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I love you.
Bad choice
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
