weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
