you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize