i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
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