Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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