She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
My ATM looks so different sober.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
