Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
they're like a gay fantastic four
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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