I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
