So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
