she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
