Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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