I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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