i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
