sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
