So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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