a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
