Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
