That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
