The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
now i know why i became what i already was.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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