bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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