That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
