I wannas sexs uuuuu
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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