the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
