the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize