...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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