Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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