guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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