A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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