I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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