its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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