Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
