I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Randomize
