I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
